**A Family Divided: My Wife Wants a Mortgage for Her Mum, But I Want to Save Our Dream**
My name is James. I’m 38, standing at a crossroads where my family could either grow stronger or collapse under the weight of choices being forced upon me. My wife, Emily, and I have been married for 13 years. Our seven-year-old daughter, Lily, is our joy and light. But now our marriage is cracking under pressure—because of Emily’s mother, who she insists should live with us. Emily is pushing for a mortgage on a bigger house to accommodate her mum, while I feel our dream of a second child and peace slipping away. What do you do when love clashes with duty, and family becomes a battleground?
We live in a cosy little town just outside Manchester, in a modest two-bedroom flat we bought early in our marriage. It’s our little world, where Lily plays, and Emily and I weave plans for the future. We always wanted another child, but we know our flat’s too small for four. I’d rather save for a proper home—where everyone has their own space, and the kids grow up comfortable. A mortgage, to me, is like a shackle: 15 years of debt, stress, and sacrifice. I’ve seen friends drown in loans, and I swore we’d never fall into that trap. But Emily won’t hear it, and her stubbornness is tearing me apart.
It all started with her mum, Margaret. Emily has a younger brother, Oliver, who just got married. Margaret decided her two-bed flat in town should go to him and his wife, and she’d move into her parents’ old cottage in the countryside. Emily revolted. “Mum can’t live alone in the middle of nowhere! She needs care, proper amenities!” she said. Then came the demand: she wants her mum to move in with us. To make room, she’s pushing for a mortgage on a bigger home. “But she has to live somewhere!” Emily shouted when I objected.
I was horrified. Living under the same roof as my mother-in-law? Margaret isn’t easy. She likes to take charge, meddle in our lives, and I know our peace would vanish the moment she walked in. I want another child, I want to see Lily grow up with a little sibling—but I won’t sacrifice that for a mortgage and life with Margaret. When I told Emily I wouldn’t do it, she snapped: “You’re selfish, James! She’s my mum—I won’t abandon her!” She hasn’t spoken to me properly in days, and the silence between us sits like a stone.
I suggested another way: let Margaret stay in her flat with Oliver. He and his wife don’t have kids yet; their two-bed is plenty big for three. Why should we wreck our lives, take on debt, and squeeze in with Margaret when there’s a simple fix? But Emily won’t listen. She believes caring for her mother is her duty, and my refusal makes me a “bad husband.” I don’t want to seem heartless, but I won’t spend years paying off a loan, tiptoeing around my mother-in-law.
I’m torn. I love Emily and Lily, but I feel like her choice will break us. We dreamed of a bigger family, holidays, happiness—now all I see is debt and arguments. Every night I watch Lily sleep and wonder: how do I keep our home, our world, together? I worry Emily will choose her mum over our family. How do you compromise when she won’t even listen? Maybe I am selfish—but is my dream of another child, of a peaceful life, really less important?
I don’t know how to fix this. If you’ve been through this, tell me: how did you reach an agreement? How do I make Emily see that Margaret can live with Oliver, and we deserve our own happiness? My family is on the edge, and one wrong move could destroy everything we’ve built over 13 years.